Hello Everyone,
Just thought I'd share with you something rather special which I received in my email this morning. To give you some context, my fiancé visited an endometriosis group for me yesterday to really understand the issue.
Trust me it's really worth reading!
"I went to the endometriosis group yesterday which was pretty good. There were atleast 30 ppl there including their partners. Some of them were very aware of what they are going through while some of them were coming to grips with the condition they were fighting. Few women were crying while they were speaking and there was genuine sympathy and feeling across the group because everyone knew what they were speaking about. Even if partners are men and don't have a clue as to what period pains are, they know what their partners are going through. The pains, the debilitating health, the emotional and health issues that come with it.
There was one lady who just had a laparascopy last week and she was sitting next to me. She came alone and I was speaking to her at the end, because only towards the end of the meeting did I know that she realised her problem so recently. She broke into tears while she was speaking to me. I was such a wreck when I heard her speak because I was there when you had your surgery and when you collapsed near the costcutter. I understood what she went through but still there was nothing I could say to her that would make her feel better apart from listening to her and comforting her by giving my experience of it. In the end, I gave her your email address (hope thats ok) because I thought she would be more comfortable discussing her personal problems with you directly rather than with me as there is only so much she would want to tell a random strange man.
Lot of partners said the same thing about their situation of helplessness in seeing their loved one suffer. As a man, I am trained to view problems and solve it. When I see a problem that too something happening to someone so dear to me like you, I find it frustrating, disappointing, sad and angry to remain helpless. I can be as sympathetic as I can but I know that my sympathy and concern does not solve your problem. This is my main problem. I can't just sit back think that my duty is done, now it is your problem to deal with it.
It is not fair.
It is not fair that I can go ahead with my day doing most things I set out to whereas you are hampered to do half the things you want to. How is this fair? How is this right? What gives me the right to function normally while I watch you suffer in silence? This is what makes me question the existence of god or any superior power who is supposed to be fair. If at all there is someone like that, then he is not doing a good job. I cannot sit back quietly, watching TV while you are curled up in a ball with shooting pain through your body.
Would you not help and support me if I had some health problem like yours? Would you walk away from me? Would you make me feel like a burden on you? I would guess no! Then why is it that you should think differently about your condition? The only thing which I care about is your welfare and your health. I prioritise this above anything else!!
Just thought I'd share with you something rather special which I received in my email this morning. To give you some context, my fiancé visited an endometriosis group for me yesterday to really understand the issue.
Trust me it's really worth reading!
"I went to the endometriosis group yesterday which was pretty good. There were atleast 30 ppl there including their partners. Some of them were very aware of what they are going through while some of them were coming to grips with the condition they were fighting. Few women were crying while they were speaking and there was genuine sympathy and feeling across the group because everyone knew what they were speaking about. Even if partners are men and don't have a clue as to what period pains are, they know what their partners are going through. The pains, the debilitating health, the emotional and health issues that come with it.
There was one lady who just had a laparascopy last week and she was sitting next to me. She came alone and I was speaking to her at the end, because only towards the end of the meeting did I know that she realised her problem so recently. She broke into tears while she was speaking to me. I was such a wreck when I heard her speak because I was there when you had your surgery and when you collapsed near the costcutter. I understood what she went through but still there was nothing I could say to her that would make her feel better apart from listening to her and comforting her by giving my experience of it. In the end, I gave her your email address (hope thats ok) because I thought she would be more comfortable discussing her personal problems with you directly rather than with me as there is only so much she would want to tell a random strange man.
Lot of partners said the same thing about their situation of helplessness in seeing their loved one suffer. As a man, I am trained to view problems and solve it. When I see a problem that too something happening to someone so dear to me like you, I find it frustrating, disappointing, sad and angry to remain helpless. I can be as sympathetic as I can but I know that my sympathy and concern does not solve your problem. This is my main problem. I can't just sit back think that my duty is done, now it is your problem to deal with it.
It is not fair.
It is not fair that I can go ahead with my day doing most things I set out to whereas you are hampered to do half the things you want to. How is this fair? How is this right? What gives me the right to function normally while I watch you suffer in silence? This is what makes me question the existence of god or any superior power who is supposed to be fair. If at all there is someone like that, then he is not doing a good job. I cannot sit back quietly, watching TV while you are curled up in a ball with shooting pain through your body.
Would you not help and support me if I had some health problem like yours? Would you walk away from me? Would you make me feel like a burden on you? I would guess no! Then why is it that you should think differently about your condition? The only thing which I care about is your welfare and your health. I prioritise this above anything else!!
I think when you are back you should definitely attend this group! It is very useful for you to realise that there are SO many more women who are going through problems similar to what you are going through. It does not comfort you that your pain is shared by others, but it should atleast be comforting that there are people with more experience there with the problem and they will be better able to relate to your pains than me. I do admit I don't have the slightest clue regarding the pains suffered due to endometriosis, but I am trying to learn as much as I can. The more I learn about this the more I realise that this condition needs to be managed rather than cured permanently. It is tough for me personally to explicitly admit that I can't fix this problem by throwing time, money and my effort in it. It is something beyond that. I promise to you that I will be with you the entire way in whatever way I can.
I want you to realise that you are not in this alone and that although I may not be physically fighting the condition, I will be there next to you whenever you need me!! I love you from the bottom of my heart, unconditionally and I will do whatever it takes to keep you healthy & fit!! "
I was obviously taken aback by this email as I never knew he thought the way he did and I thought to share it with all of you.
Please DON'T suffer in silence. If you are in a happy and trusting relationship, please TALK to your partner. Communication is KEY for those couples suffering from the effects of endometriosis. If you are unable to communicate with your partner I suggest you discuss your ideas with friends/family/a doctor/mentor/counsellor (basically, anyone who you feel you can trust). Anyone suffering from endo is at a vulnerable point in their lives, they need all the love and care in the world.
Our partners do want to be there for us, they just aren't sure how to respond or what would be the best way to deal with us. Women with endo are known to suffer from depression and/or PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder - also known as severe PMS). As a result we can be a little difficult to talk to.
Our partners may therefore lose their temper. That's because they don't know how to help. Their venting is a sign of frustration. As my fiance rightly said, men in particular deal with problems differently. If you don't tell them how you feel, how will they know?
Our partners may therefore lose their temper. That's because they don't know how to help. Their venting is a sign of frustration. As my fiance rightly said, men in particular deal with problems differently. If you don't tell them how you feel, how will they know?
If any of you ladies/gents have questions regarding issues raised in this blog, or you have your own concerns relating to endometriosis, please do feel free to contact me.
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